Yes, even for a seasoned declutterer like me. This might seem strange, but I have decluttered regularly since I was a child. When I felt too overwhelmed by the toys in my room, I would ask my mom to take me to the thrift store a few towns away and donate a bagful or two. As a teenager, I kept my room neat and carefully curated with only my favorite items on display. I remember both strategies creating a big sense of accomplishment and relief.
But in 2019 I began decluttering in earnest. With the three of us living in small space amidst an explosion of baby items, clothes, and toys, I knew something had to change. I was grateful for the things my daughter needed and enjoyed, but the rest of the stuff weighed on me. A lot.
Fast forward to summer 2022. It was time for our big move to NC, and I decluttered like I never had before. Still, as I wrote in a previous post, everything felt like too much ... and that I had not done enough.
2022 was a year of intense upheaval, much of it painful. During this time I also became hyper-focused on decluttering and organizing. Instead of acquiring things as I had in the past, I was trying to let as much as I could go.
There is nothing inherently wrong with this, especially since we were in the midst of preparing for, then recovering from, our move. Until my daughter let me know that everything was not okay. Although she did not express it in words, her change in behavior spoke volumes. Usually cheerful and helpful, she began acting out. I quickly realized that although dealing with excess items was important to me, she didn't need a home where everything is 'just so'. She needed me.
So, I took a step back from decluttering. I decided that while she was at home I didn't need to be amongst the boxes stacked in the garage or sorting through piles of papers, but with her. Since then I have made a commitment to spend time together, really together, with minimal distractions. After picking her up from school, we make crafts, read stories, take walks, bake, or just play. And it has been amazing.
Looking back, I know why I kept decluttering. It was for me to try to reclaim a tiny bit of control in the aftermath of a chaotic and emotionally draining year. It was to help me process heavy emotions, to deal with my grief. For my own sake, it was necessary. But I also realized that my (often temporary) relief needn't come at the expense of my family's wellbeing.
I believe this story presents an interesting irony. Overconsumption and mindlessly acquiring material possessions inevitably leads to problems. However, so can compulsive decluttering. Although seemingly polar opposites, both extremes reveal a distinct commonality: An unhealthy obsession with stuff.
Whether it is loading our virtual cart or loading the car with donations, this is not where life happens, where it truly resides. It is only when we let go of our grasp of stuff, that we can be freed from its grasp on us. And that is what makes room for all the beautiful things in life.
Have you found yourself compulsively 'over-decluttering'? What was the reason and how did you resolve the issue?
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